By whose authority do you feel the way you do?

 This morning I woke up with that sentence. It popped into my mind.

It felt like a question for me — but not only for me — for other people I know as well –

“By whose authority do you feel the way you do?”

Which led me to think of other questions:

Whose authority has power in your life?

Whose permission do you need to do what you want?

Whose approval are you seeking?

It usually seems I can crack into another avenue with words when I look up their history. There is usually an unexpected angle in the history. In this case, my Webster’s dictionary listed authority as “opinion, decision, power” –

from ME authorite from auctoritas: originator/author

From “author”  — enlarger, founder, master, leader, “one who causes to grow” – to increase.  Hmmm…

“Who is the author of your life?”  relates to the authority of what you do and how you feel. When I ask myself why I do certain things, I do not always come up with the answer that I am doing them on my own authority. There are other authorities in my life, some with less power than they used to have. Although it could be argued that there are necessary authorities, I think it is best to be your own primary authority. The primary authority for your happiness should be you. Why give that power to other people, who have themselves to contend with?

After musing about the word “Authority” this morning I heard knocking on my window in front of my house. I looked out, but didn’t see anyone. Then it sounded like someone was on top of the house. The noises sounded human in origin – but how could anyone be walking around up there – or purposively knocking, for that matter?

When I left the house out the back door something drew me to turn around – a sound? I saw a big blue jay – the largest blue jay I’d ever seen – flying. I thought, “It was him – knocking at the window.” He seemed twice the size of a normal blue jay.

According to “Animal Speak” by Ted Andrews, blue jays represent ability for survival with the least amount of effort (I like that!) Any blue bird (to me) has felt to be spiritual – the feeling I get from blue and the ability to fly. Blue jays are members of the crow family – and crows have no fear. (Crows are also wonderfully smart) They seek pleasure. They reflect lessons in using your own power correctly. (Even though the cliché is to regard blue jays as bullies – they provide great lessons about power – not only how to use your own power – but also about not allowing yourself to be placed in a position in which power is misused against you.) How appropriate this Giant Blue Jay was adamantly stomping around my house and knocking at the windows after I had been musing about “Authority” – and who takes authority in my life and in the lives of people I know.

As if these weren’t clues enough for me to pay attention – on the way to work I saw a smaller, normal “life-sized” pair of blue jays– the two of them together on the bridge.

 Look – look – there are signs everywhere.

On a side-tangent – following the origins of the word “Authority” and “Author” – I came to this interesting quote:

…[W]riting means revealing oneself to excess …. This is why one can never be alone enough when one writes, why even night is not night enough. … I have often thought that the best mode of life for me would be to sit in the innermost room of a spacious locked cellar with my writing things and a lamp. Food would be brought and always put down far away from my room, outside the cellar’s outermost door. The walk to my food, in my dressing gown, through the vaulted cellars, would be my only exercise. I would then return to my table, eat slowly and with deliberation, then start writing again at once. And how I would write! From what depths I would drag it up! [Franz Kafka] 

On some days, I would regard that as a perfect existence. – Writing, revealing, discovering  — digging things up, dragging them up – not taking time for other things like answering phones, talking about the weather, whatever else our lives are usually filled doing – but instead spending time discovering things in the subterranean depths. It is a bit like a personal archeology. I wrote about something like this when I wrote about finding buried things that had never seen the light of day before. (“Construction Season”) Of course, to have that kind of life, someone would have to be catering to me — bringing me my lunches and dinners.  And yes, although it may be appealing, it would also be lonely, and probably not the best life, long-term. But sometimes — yes — sometimes — such a place would be the perfect get-away — the recharge for my batteries.

Solitude, authority, play–  and another quote I saw today, but can’t place where, about beauty not being enough to entertain (Beauty contains a moment of looking and appreciating – but musing, imagination, mystery and speculation amuse us much longer.)

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